Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Social Responsibility to Ride

My mother's heart is breaking today as a friend of hers has three months to live and has been diagnosed with cancer.  I watch her avoid the feelings like she always has done with sickness (out of her own fear of understanding "why?")  

Today,  The Long Ride for Cancer pounds hard in my chest like an ever continuing wave that crashes onto the shore.  The sirens sing their song to me even stronger now as my propensity to get back on that horse for the social responsibility of riding in honor of all of those who had and have cancer just brings me to tears today.

Can I do an online certificate program to become a teacher by horse? YES! I can.  Do I have any responsibilities that tug at me besides my phone bill?  No, I don't.  My life is rather simple.  I have little monthly responsibility as I am in a family home, no possessions and two horses who are at the ready.

Will it ever go away????  The longing to constantly be out there riding for those who have been touched by cancer or those who emotionally struggle??? My soul just aches to have to see my family go through cancer with those they love....or anyone else for that matter.  I put the Jenkins Family on the Honor Roll today.  

My mother, bless her heart, met one of my horses for the first time since I have had one in my care.  I didn't start riding until I was 19 and on my own and now - 24 years later she still abhors them. Hates them.   My equine friend went to snuggle up to her and give her a friendly hello..and at 71, she jumped straightaway back 8 feet with just a simple head toss of "I"m here, come pet me".    She hates them because she is terrified of them...  She would much rather send me on a cruise at her expense than have me keep a horse or two.  She has traveled all over the world....but never has had any moments between the ears of a horse.   Well, when except she was a little 8 year old...her father put her on the back of a Crabby Unbroken Shetland Pony. She was up to the challenge...but it got the best of her. She slid off easy...with only her pride hurt and never got back on. "They are bigger than me," she says.  

Today her friend is dying of cancer...and I must ride.  But how?  It only takes 8-12 weeks???  I live in her home all expenses paid here by this woman who hates the air horses breathe....and with her hatred for horses, my attempts have been nothing but me shirking responsibility to the world....and one more attempt would just throw me out of the security in my home for certain. 

But maybe, just maybe, if I told her was riding for her....  It kills me today.. that the Legacy Ride for Cancer is now for her and the growing opportunity for this ride presents itself again.  I'll know that one day I will wake up and say "let's go"...without her knowing, I'll just say, "I'm going for a trail ride" and come back 12 weeks later. Florida National Trail is pretty this time of year... With sideways miles..... I can turn an actual 757 miles into 1000...  500 miles north and than back again. And maybe this time she will understand.


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